Yeah I know, whining about British customer service is like beating up a retarded kid, but whatev.
2006-09-06

Got back from Italy, it was fun. Will upload the photos shortly once I find another pirated copy of Photoshop and give a proper blog entry to it, but first...

British customer service, a rant by Rob Cutforth

Case #1:
The Sofa Workshop – Bought two couches, promised delivery in 4-6 weeks. 5 weeks later received a letter saying “Sorry, due to circumstances beyond our control you won’t receive your couches for another 4-6 weeks”.
That’s wonderful news, we’ll just sit on the oven. In fact, maybe I’ll stick my head in it.

Case #2:
British Gas – Received a letter saying we owe them £10 service charge, not told what the service is. Called them, put on hold for EONS to be told that that is a transfer to move it from one residence to another. Ok, £10 just so you can change MY address in YOUR records?!?! Seemed ridiculous, but paid it anyway. I love giving away money for nothing, it’s great. Two weeks later get a letter in the mail threatening court action because we haven’t paid. Called them back, put on hold for another 18 hours and finally spoke to someone who said “Oh, that’s our mistake, nevermind, don’t pay it”. Great, everyone makes mistakes, no problem. Next month, receive a letter from a collections agent asking for the £10, threatened with more court action. Called British Gas again, put on hold again, told it was a mistake again.
Case still pending.

Case #3:
Branches of Nottingham – Bought bedroom set. Was called days before it was meant to be delivered and told it wouldn’t be delivered for another two weeks because the delivery driver was ON VACATION. After creating a major stink telling them that we have nothing to sleep on, they find another couple drivers (after many tut-huffs over the phone). Drivers show up and are too weak and stupid to carry my wardrobe up the stairs so they ask for my help. I carry it up virtually by myself as one of them directs and the other plays on his cell phone and still have to pay them £10 for the service.
Maybe I should start a business in England charging people to mow their own lawns. I’ll be RICH! Unwrapped the 18 layers of shrinkwrap on the wardrobe to find out that it could’ve been carried up in two pieces. Jesus bald-headed Christ.

Case #4:
British Telecom – Not enough blogspace in the world to talk about the complete and utter cluster fuck that is this company.

Case #5:
Every retail outlet in England – What is with the queues?? OPEN ANOTHER FUCKING TILL ALREADY.

And finally,

Case #6:
Ryanair – The biggest, most ignorant fucking bastards on planet earth. Ok, we know there are flight restrictions and that Ryanair is sticky about baggage allowances so Kate and I share a bag and take only a camera bag and a purse on as carry-on on the trip to Italy. Ryanair ticket agent weighs the bag, it’s 23kg. Told our bag is too heavy, only 20kg/bag is allowed. We explain that we are only taking one bag between the two of us, so shouldn’t that allow us 40kg? We’re told no, it’s 20kg/bag “Didn’t you read the terms and conditions??”.
No, we didn’t read the terms and conditions, I guess it’s our fault that Ryanair has no common sense. So we have to go stand in another queue to pay them an £11 penalty because of the extra 3kg, and then come back and stand in the queue to show her we paid. W-T-F. Someone please explain how a 23kg bag is bad, but two 20kg bags are good?? Call me crazy, but aren’t we saving them gas and space in the cargo hold?!?! How is this bad?! And then I thought, maybe it’s a security thing, maybe airplane bombs weigh over 20kg. Yeah, that must be it, surely it’s not just a money grubbing scheme, after all Ryanair is a respectable company... But if that is true, why can we pay and the problem goes away? Fuck you Ryanair, Fuck you in your big, pasty-white, harp playing, Irish ass.

And yes, I know Ryanair is an Irish company, and Ireland is not British. Maybe when the limeys figure out that Canada and the US are two different countries, I might actually give a shit about the differences between Britain and Ireland.

Now go and find me a pirated Mac copy of Photoshop. Thanks!